Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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