First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
