Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
