Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
