Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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