Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize