i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
