I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
