Im at strip club and am horny
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
