weddingsv make me drug and hornr
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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