I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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