So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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