My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
