**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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