Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
