I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
