Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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