Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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