How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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