Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize