what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
