Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
