apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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