my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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