My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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