goodnight i made you a song goodbye
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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