I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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