party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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