Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
