Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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