Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
