Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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