Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
