You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
