I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
accomplished twins. life is a go
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
