Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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