I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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