she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Randomize
