Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
