he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
