office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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