the condom got lost in my hair
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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