evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
smell my finger.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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