Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
