I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
