Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Less talking, more tequila
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
