I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
