omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
