I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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