also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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