The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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