You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
