Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
