I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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