dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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