She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize