First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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