she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
