Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
