I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
porn star boner night. come get it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
