my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
