he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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