some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
This baby is an asshole
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
