i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
