he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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