nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
