You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Randomize
