I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
