im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
