I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
