Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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