i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
