it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
