how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
