awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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