He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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