Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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