so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
