but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
