yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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