Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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