hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize