How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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