I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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