Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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