Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
