dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
