just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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