Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
