i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
