hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
