I'm so fucking centered right now
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
