I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize