My first STD was from a foam party
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize