is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
