Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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