Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
