i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize