I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
