found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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