Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
