Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
