never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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