When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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