Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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