so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
